I've never done an emergency post in a moment of rage before but this seems like the best time.
FML
Of course in true Detroit Tigers fashion, they sold tickets to Tigerfest promoting Miguel Cabrera attending as well as Jose Iglesias. See pic:
NOW, the ball club I am now a former fan of and now root for because of my physical location on this god forsaken globe announced: Cabrera, Igelsias, Victor Martinez, and James McCann will NOT be at their precious money making event #Tigerfest. I know from instagram James McCann just had twins that are still in hospital last time I checked so I figured he would not be there. Victor Martinez stopped caring about baseball around 2011, and I in turn stopped caring about him shortly after so I am not surprised. But, they promoted the event using Iglesias and Cabrera as draws. I have typically given the organization the benefit of the doubt in these cases but this shit has happened too many times. They knew. They are claiming family health reasons for both guys. Maybe some details might sound a little better and ease the blow. I have always felt Iglesias was a cancer in the clubhouse since day one anyway. Miguel Cabrera is on a AAA roster at best as a future HOFer and only Superstar. He can pretty much do whatever he wants and the Tigers have to succumb to his whims.
Of frickin' course, this comes just days before the event and one day after I received early entry passes for the first time ever and posted a joyous knucklehead blog post about how much I was pumped for early entry. The best part is I gave up PC cards for those passes. Cards that should only see the light of day once a year and are kept behind lock and key. My only measly hope for the event now is to get Alan Trammell on the '78 RC to finish my project. I am really disappointed. Its funny, I am trying to compare it to other team's players who if they had a player not in attendance the whole event would be blown but other teams have more than one superstar. Maybe the D'Backs if Goldschmidt baled or Rockies without Arenado attending? I would still love to see Castellanos or Fulmer and a bunch of others but the Early Entry was solely for the purpose of a chance to get Miguel Cabrera's scribble.
I will still have a great time. I'm going with my brother again and we always have fun. If we somehow found a way to enjoy last year, this year will be a blast. I am just sick of the Tigers organization taking advantage of and crapping on the fans. They raised the price of Tigerfest this year and also the prices of season tickets and ticket packages by hundreds of dollars. The product is as bad as its been in nearly 20 years. Come on Tig's!
"EFF the Tigers" CONTEST TIME!
In the wake of all this bullshit I am going to run a contest. Please all government employees know this post and all comments are facetious and there is no danger to any Tiger's players from me and probably not from the commenters.Since this awful news I have been creating outlandish revenge plots in my head for the Tigers and Miguel Cabrera. I will list them below but want to hear some of your ideas for crazy revenge plots in the comments. Keep them "un-murdery" and stay on the humorous side if possible please. Again, this is all in fun. I will random all the comments for a Miguel Cabrera prize pack since I don't need any of his crap laying around anymore. I will probably throw in some other stuff that the winner likes too. I may even send stuff to the person(s) with the best comment. Have fun with it. Contest closes Saturday 02/03/2018 at midnight my time so I can read the comments and heal from a most probable shitty Tigerfest on the previous Saturday.
My first ideas to get the ball rolling:
- Practice Miguel Cabrera's autograph until I am good enough to pass authenticity. Get an auto pen made of it and start spreading fake Miggy autos around the world until his autograph is worthless.
- Start working out and juicing and get back into better shape than my playing days. Get a pitching role with an American League team within the next couple years. Bean Miggy every time he comes up.
- Break into his candy factory (BitBits; its real, look it up) and screw up all the orders like Rob Lowe's character in Tommy Boy.
- Find and hire a Miggy look alike and take him to Tigerfest to cause pandemonium and shorten the lines for myself.
Arrange for a trip to the Antarctic for Miguel Cabrera to look at penguins. While he's gone, fill his locker with hundreds of avocados and a small basket of Tide pods. But the catch is, the avocados are all plastic. It will break his heart when he realizes this. To console himself, he will inevitably start eating the enticing Tide pods. He will find them to be an extremely poor replacement for the rich avocado flavor his palate desired, and his soul will be shattered to depths he had never previously known, depths from which no man could fully recover. Then, my friend, revenge is yours.
ReplyDeleteLOL. Love it!
DeleteSend Austin Romine and Brett Gardner to take his place?
ReplyDeleteOuch! Nice. I forgot about that skirmish. I may start an Austin Romine PC...
DeleteYou could always send him a "glitter mail bomb": https://shipyourenemiesglitter.com/product/The-OG-Glitter-Bomb-54
ReplyDeleteHa. The gift that keeps on giving!
DeleteThe best revenge on the Tigers would be to hire for them the Mets' medical/training staff. All those guys who don't go on the DL, only to make the injury worse....
ReplyDeleteYes! This may be the most realistic one...hmmm...
DeleteDo you have a blog or email address Brett?
DeleteCreate a fake Ken Rosenthal account and randomly tweet about how Derek Jeter hopes to bring Cabrera back to Miami to finish his career. This will plant the seed.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, create a series of Tigers videos celebrating the great careers of Trammell and Morris. Post them on youtube, but spam all the beat reporters with them as much as possible. Why? Well, obviously because you hope Al Avila will eventually see them AND because of the subliminal messages you've inserted about how much better the team would be if he ships Miggy off to the most hopeless of all MLB teams, the Marlins.
Have fun at the Fest!
After the Yelich news tonight, I wouldn't want to kick the Marlins fans when they are down. But that makes terribly perfect sense! It would probably work too well.
DeleteI offer NO ideas as I do not want Miggy showing up in my mailbox. I do collect the Tigers, am happy to accept them in trades but most drawn to the days of 1984 and earlier. I'll be there to see the Astros and the 68 tribute games. That's it for me.
ReplyDelete